Rules of Engagement

Oh my gosh, it seems like everyone I know is either engaged, married, or already has multiple children! Okay, maybe not everyone I know and not even my close friends, but every time I turn around (on facebook), one of my "acquaintences" is engaged!

Now, you may think that I'm jealous and also want to be engaged, but this is not the case! First of all, Jeff and I have only been together for just over a year, and I'm only 22. Jeff is only 21 - huge problem! We are way too young, which is what I think about the multitudes of people getting engaged right now. I think there is a HUGE difference between ages 22 and 24. You start your career, live totally on your own for the first time (since if you're like me, you live with your parents until you're 23, haha), and a plethora of other events that help define you as a person. How can you be sure that the decisions you make when you're 21-22 will be the same when you're 24-25??? It's scary to think about. (For the record, I don't think my attitude about Jeff would change, but we are not ready for that kind of committment. Especially since I periodically have dreams about getting married that always turn out to be a disaster. But that is another story).

A girl I went to high school with (and I haven't talk to since then, so this is all via fbook) was dating her manager at O'Charley's (weird) while she was 17 and he was like 30 (creepy). She's now my age, married, without a degree, and with two kids under three! I'm sorry, it just seems irresponsible to me. It was hard enough trying to have a life and go to school without hardly any responsiblities. How can people handle that? Maybe they are better people than I, and she seems to be happy and thankful, but I think I would also be a tad bit resentful.

I think I am also rattled because a boy I used to like (since about age 7) and quasi-dated my sophomore year of college got engaged a couple weeks ago to a girl I graduated with. While they are a great couple, and I've remained cordial with both of them and am happy for them, I am worried. Both will graduate in December and the job market for both their majors is still and will continue to be lacking! I feel that most people get caught up in the excitement and don't think about bills and house hunting and mortgages and jobs and everything else that puts stresses on a married relationship. My roommate Ashton (who, by the way, should definitely marry her boyfriend, and I can't wait until that happens!) was maid-of-honor for one of her friends in May, and even she was stressed out about it. So much goes into planning a wedding, let alone your life!!

Every person, every couple is different, and I need to remember that I am not in charge of the world (although I'd really enjoy that job) - everyone can make their own decisions. I just want everyone to make good decisions, but that is not the world we live in. I also care way too much about what everyone thinks, and if I told my parents I was getting married, they'd probably laugh in my face. Plus, Jeff's and my situation is unique because we've never spent more than like 10 days straight together, so that will probably need to happen before we make any kind of life-altering decisions. I'll let you know when that happens. Until then, we love each other and we're very happy the way things are. (We'd be ecstatic if we lived in the same city, though!)

Demands

Well, I sure am glad that Jeff appreciates my organization because I've been thinking that my requests are slightly manic and demanding, more often than not. I am a planner by nature and Jeff is more of a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. I pretty much go crazy when we have to spend a long time apart (two weeks is longer than you think!), so I try to pass the time by obsessively planning our next adventure together. For example, my September calendar consists of many weekends labeled "Jeff here?" or "Valpo?" because we don't know what may come up to prevent us from visiting.

I sent Jeff an email about our September plans last week, trying to pass the time at work and trying to make myself feel better about never seeing each other. The upside is that with Jeff in Valpo for school, we cut down like two hours of travel. The downside is that I have no idea what either of us will be doing a year from now, so I get stressed out.

The email was something like--

Kara: Hey babe, here is what I want to do in September! (with a list of dates and activities) Hope this works for you! Can't wait to see you next! Love you, kar

Jeff: Ok, sounds good. Talk to you later.

Haha, he doesn't sound too excited, does he? But, fortunately, I know he is and he tells me he is a lot, so he doesn't have to say it in every single email or text or call. Anyway, the point is that I think Jeff depends on me to make the plans, which I am fine with because I love organization and being in control. (haha) Really, though, I think it's beneficial for each member of a couple have their own roles within the relationship. While I keep our lives organized, Jeff is playful and lets me relax. Jeff has weird pet peeves, like not getting water around the sink (Sorry, when I wet my hands to wash them and then get soap, a little water gets on the counter. It's not the end of the world! He also has to have his comforter facing a certain way - I thought I was OCD with my comforter, but he takes the cake.), and I clean and pick up. The list goes on, especially for couples who live together or are married - finances, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc., etc.

The key is to have balance, patience, and each have responsibility for the relationship. If I weren't responsible for making the plans, a lot of our plans wouldn't be made. In a weird way that I can't fully explain, it gives me more confidence because I know that if I want to see Jeff, I can. All I have to do is plan it. And make him drive down to Indy, which really isn't difficult. :)

Organization is Key

So Kara sent me an email a couple of days ago. Why is this important? Well, she wanted to loosely plan the next month or two of our lives... haha. With Kara's work schedule and my school schedule it can sometimes be difficult to find open weekends where she can come visit me in Valpo, or when I can go visit her in Indy.

Because of this slight problem, Kara puts her superior organizational skills to work. She sent me a very detailed email listing every weekend from now until the end of September along with what she had planned, what she knew of my plans, and possible dates and locations where we could spend some time together. It is small things like this that can help keep a long-distance relationship going strong. It helps me through the long stretches where I don't get to see Kara by looking forward to the next time I will see her.

Many people will say that communication is key for long-distance relationships, but that is only partially true. Organization is just as key as communication. Organize your schedule so that the two of you can maximize your time together. Organize your priorities so that your significant other knows he or she is number one. Hell, you even have to organize your friends so that they know you are spending the weekend with your significant other. No matter how you look at it, organization is key to a successful long-distance relationship. And thanks to Kara, our relationship is doing well!

Where's the Italian? Valpo...

I just spent the entire day moving stuff down to my apartment at school in Valparaiso, Indiana. I'm exhausted right now, but also very pleased with the results. I have a functioning entertainment center (to lull me to sleep for naps and bedtime), a fully stocked fridge (after a visit to both WalMart and Sam's Club), and clean towels, dishes, and bed sheets.

I started off the day packing up my car with the help of PA (my mom). I quickly hopped on the road and made the 2-hour trek to Valpo. Upon arrival, I unloaded the car and began the unpacking process. I set up my water purifier so I can have nice clean and pure water to drink. Then I put the washer and dryer to work cleaning my bed sheets and towels. From there I set up my Joker fat head in the living room (see the pic below). Then came time for the glorious television set up, which was quick and relatively painless!


Then the voyage to Sam's Club and Wal-Mart began. I picked up a bunch of different groceries and goodies for the apartment. I'm excited to saute some chicken breasts tonight and test out my cooking abilities. If I fail miserably though, my backup plan is to douse the chicken breasts in Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce, which can solve any cooking debaccle.

Now it's time for a quick nap before firing up the stove! I can't wait for Kara to come visit me in Valpo tomorrow!

Loss

Well, I thought today would be pretty busy at work, but it's not! haha... I feel like I haven't blogged forever, but really it's just that this week has absolutely crawled by. And it has been another emotional one for me...

Our beloved dog Annie passed away on Wednesday afternoon. She was an eleven-year-old golden retriever, and we've been expecting this for awhile, as she was diagnosed with recurring tumors two years ago. She has sure been a trooper! Even though her arthritis was bad, she took medicine every day to relieve her pain, and it was easy for us to forget that she was sick. She was very puppy-like up until last week, which makes her death feel very sudden.

Monday through Wednesday last week, she was very lethargic and didn't eat anything Tuesday and Wednesday and barely moved, so we expected the worst. If she continued like this, we had planned to put her down Monday, as I was leaving for the weekend and wanted to be there. Suprisingly, she perked back up Thursday (my mom swears she heard us talking about putting her down), and was back to normal - playing outside, eating full meals and treats, begging to be pet.

I expected her to stay around a few more weeks. The vet always said she would tell us when it was time, but we were hesitant to do anything drastic in case she perked back up like she did last week. This past Monday and Tuesday she was totally fine - maybe a little tired Tuesday night. She came to sleep in my room as usual, but she wasn't there when I woke up. She had gone down to the basement, but I didn't know it and I left Wednesday without seeing her or letting her out (as I did every day). At about 11:30am, I called home from work to ask my mom a question, and my dad told me that Annie was feeling bad, could barely get up the stairs, and had settled in my room. He said we would probably take her this weekend or on Monday if she didn't get better, but I dind't think anything of it.

I went on with my day - Laura (my work partner) and I went to the gym during lunch, and it was a pretty uneventful day. Our bosses were in a meeting and we were just hanging out in the office when my dad called about 2pm to say she had passed. Thankfully, my bosses let me leave for the day, and I headed straight home to see her before we took her to the vet. I will leave out the sad details, but needless to say, it was very difficult to let her go at the vet. We pet her and told her what a great dog she was and that we loved her. It was just really heartbreaking.

I was always the type of person to act callously in reference to a pet dying. They are just animals, after all. But Annie was truly an important member of our family. She grew up with us (we got her when my brothers were eight and I was just shy of eleven), and she had been around for half of my life. I really feel like a person has died, and it's very strange not having her in the house. Yesterday, we cleaned up all of her toys and bowls and are trying to figure out what to do with her bed. (We feel bad just throwing it away, but I don't know if it's donate-able. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.) The cleaning lady is coming today, and I am kind of sad that we will no longer find clumps of her hair around the house (after years and years of complaining how hard it was to keep up with the vacuuming!).

I know this is a really long post, but it's helpful to vent. This whole thing has just gotten me thinking how devastating it will be to lose a parent or a sibling, or someone else close to me, in comparison to losing the dog. I really hope to keep this in mind as I continue to cultivate my relationships and to never let a day go by without telling someone how I feel.

I hope this finds everyone well. Thanks for reading!!

Crossroads

I really like Jeff's post, and I think it very accurately describes what is going on with me right now. I didn't realize how much my changes in lifestyle was affecting my relationship with Jeff, and all of my relationships, until recently when our arguments increased from one every few months to one big blow out a week. And it's not fun.

I haven't been very patient with Jeff lately, especially in regards to his friendships, as all of you well know. While Jeff is modest and says he hasn't been patient with me, in retrospect, I really think he has. My behavior as of late has been unacceptable by my standards, and I don't really know how to fix it.

Jeff and I work hard to communicate well, but it is extremely hard to sustain good communication when 85% of it is done over the phone. We miss each other, we misunderstand each other, and we miscommunicate, which leads to annoyance, impatience, and insensitivity on both our parts.

I am in a rut right now, stuck with missing my friends and my boyfriend and feeling really lonely while trying to get accustomed to this job thing. I know I'm not special and everyone has gone through this before, but I still have to learn how to best adjust. I am trying, and I am learning..for my family, for my friends, for me, and especially for Jeff.

A Strange New Place

As the title to this post suggests, Kara and I are in a strange new place, and have been here ever since she graduated back in May. This strange new place is sort of like of a Venn diagram. Kara is in one place, I'm in another, but our relationship is somewhere in the middle.

These places I speak of aren't actual places like Chicago or Indianapolis, but rather the states our lives are currently in. Kara has entered the working world, and has been there since the first day of June. I am entering my senior year of college. Our relationship is stuck somewhere in between these two exciting, yet stressful, points of our lives.

As many of you may already know (and I do not quite know yet), entering the working world is a harsh reality for any new college graduate. What happened to staying out late? Sleeping in the next morning? And being your own boss? The working world is a huge change from the collegiate life. Because of this, it can take quite some time to get used to. Kara is at that point in her life, trying to get acclimated to her new life and career, while at the same time trying to maintain a relationship with someone who is still in college. No matter which way you look at it, it is a stressful time for her.

The stress of all the changes in Kara's life have shown their faces in our relationship as well. Just how stress affects the person, stress also affects almost every aspect of that person's life. Kara has had some tough days since starting her job. She lets the stress get to her some days, and then can have an assortment of emotions flowing through her, ranging from agitation to longing. It can make conversations difficult and can magnify a small disagreement into a big one.

While it sounds like this is entirely an issue that Kara has to deal with, it isn't. I realize the stresses she is feeling, so I should be more understanding and helpful throughout the journey. I try to be, but of course, I fail sometimes (if not most of the time). I occasionally become impatient and that doesn't help either Kara or myself.

So yes, there are now two difficult aspects to Kara's and my relationship (if you include the long distance part). Of course it will take some hard work to make this relationship continue to flourish, but then again, every relationship requires a lot of hard work.